Danger's dashings

Genius

2009-07-01T18:06:00.000-07:00

I'm not ok with being ordinary.

It's a recurring fear to think that I might not have some area of genius.
I think it's one of my worst fears. To live my entire life, not being world-class in any one category.

I know I should be OK with just being God's kid. Perhaps a lot of this fear is due to a performance-based mindset.

Ordinary life sounds boring. Maybe I could grow to love it, but I'm scared when I think of being trapped in an ordinary life...

What's my problem?
Vision?
Inspiration?
Recognition?
Motivation?
Follow-through?

I want to break through and accomplish something.

This is an unfinished thought, maybe I'll add more later.
I'm posting it now because I'm not sure if I'll ever get back to it.

Isa 54:7

2009-06-27T21:24:00.001-07:00

Yesterday while I was at home doing the dishes, God spoke to me.
“Read The Bible today, I’ve got something in there for you.”

I put it off, went outside and picked a few quarts of cherries from the tree in the back yard. Looked around online. Made some lunch.

Later I took a shower after being outside. While I’m stepping out, I hear “Isaiah 54:7”
I was a bit joyful and said “Thanks, God!”

So I looked it up right away in my NIV Study Bible and it says:
“For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with deep compassion I will bring you back.”

It’s been a bit of a rough week at times. And this one line really hit me.

Wow.. I can remember no history of the whole hearing a verse from God thing.

What's my job?

2008-12-10T18:47:00.000-08:00

Work in progress, so here's what I'm thinking...

To present in concept God's reality.
- To demonstrate in action this same reality.
- To continually repent -- that is to change my point of view to match God's revealed reality and will.

To seek His will, His Wisdom, His kingdom -- His reality. e.g. read the Bible, pray, listen.

I think the word repentance is not limited to the cessation or renouncing of, or righteous action in place of an already known sin.

It may be the immediate acceptance of a newly presented revelation. Does it matter?

And faith is the exercising of man's God-given free will to come into alignment in belief and action with God's reality.

Faith is a choice. Any may exercise faith. Not all, will choose to.
God empowers you to make the choice. You have free will. God can take action to bring that choice to you. The choice is up to man.

I think a quality presentation of God's kingdom will make it easier for people to choose to believe, to have faith.

I also think that once a person has accepted Jesus, and receives the Holy Spirit, God's indwelling presence, that He will speak to them, making clear the truth, and greatly aiding faith.

comments?

Hmm.. This does mean I need to study Rom 12:3 - what's he mean God assigned measure of faith?

Bad Dream

2008-11-23T13:45:00.000-08:00

Had a bad dream last night.
Was going to fly to Puerto Rico with my mother.
She was ahead of me.

Somewhere between the terminal and gate, this guy asks me for my ticket, which was not in my hand. The ticket was in my inside jacket pocket, so I started looking for it.
He was older, with gray/white hair and he was taller than me. He got angry and told me to find my G**-D*** ticket. I got mad and slapped him.

He pulled me aside and radioed to other people. He looked at my passport and looked at a certain number on it - 35 - and made a comment that I'm lucky it wasn't 50.
Apparently 35 wasn't a great number either, and possibly referred to my likelihood of being suspect.
I think the range of numbers for that field is 0-50
I looked on my passport and saw the number 35, there was no label next to it.
Someone else came over to us and they both told me I'd have to go back through security and start over again.

They didn't explain well where I needed to go to start over, nor did they point to where to go.
I wandered back through the airport to find the end of the line.

My mom had already boarded the plane. I wasn't sure if I'd miss my flight. We were already short on time when we arrived at the airport.

I think by the end of the dream, I'd been allowed past the ticket-man, but by this time, I was waking up.

Compliments

2008-10-14T03:41:00.000-07:00

Work in progress. some of this may be a STRETCH

What is the role of a compliment?

What is a compliment
A compliment is affirmation, a confirmation, it testifies to truth.
- A compliment is the witness to truth

Because a compliment is affirmation, and is based on truth;
- A compliment is given in/with the character of the giver.
- The giver's character/actions should be congruent with this truth.

A compliment should be given freely.
Flattery is a comment made with the goal of getting something out of it.
Flattery is manipulation.

Compliments should not be given in response to manipulation.
- Instead, the root of the problem should be spoken to.

For ultimate effect, compliments should be Spirit-led

Can a compliment be pro-active?
- Would it then be prophecy? or best-restated?

When a compliment is given without expectation or manipulation.
It is freely given, it's easier for someone to give.

Reasons why it's hard to give a compliment
- Fear of man - If you were free of fear of man, their reaction won't disrupt you.
- Your false perception of their reaction won't even exist.
- Your true negative perception will not de-motivate you, the compliment is for them.
- You don't believe the truth about them
- You probably don't believe the truth about you.

hah!

2008-10-13T15:46:00.000-07:00

I had a thought. I wouldn't call it a vision.
Someone yelling in my face, "DON'T YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE?"
How can I answer that?

YES!--NO!

(imagine that was said aloud, and the NO was a two-stutter delay behind YES, but in your mind no almost overlapped the yes.)

Really, maybe it was a vision. But I'm not too worried about answering that. It doesn't need to be. It's being worked out...

I might yell that in someone's face some day... whoa.. harsh..

Train dream

2008-10-13T01:49:00.000-07:00

Don't remember all of the details.
Was at a museum maybe?
There were train tracks.
There was a steam locomotive.
I was with someone there, saw them there.
I was familiar with them, but did not really know them personally.
There was another person.
I was in the train while it was stopped, looking at it... museum style..
The familiar man was looking at it too, in the train.
The other man killed familiar man.
He was wounded.. fatally it seems.
He was hit around the midsection.
He staggered a step or two next to the tracks and fell.
His head and body on opposite sides of one rail.
The other man seemed to control the steam locomotive with a lever on the platform.
He started to move the train forward to decapitate familiar man.

I woke up, I do not recall if the train rolled over familiar man.

Neither man stood out as the "good guy"

The train was made in Germany.

I felt it was wrong to kill the first man. But not illegal.

I was not familiar with the other man.

I did not really grieve familiar man's death.
I woke up slightly distressed.

Insight

2008-10-11T14:53:00.000-07:00

So, having recognized that I've been comparing myself to others.
I recognize that I don't love myself much. And I see that below that is my poor understanding of God's love for me.
Now I recognize the problem. What can I do about it?
Want's the difference between resting and pressing in?
Now I'll try to rest, trust. I'll read what He's said about His love for us. I'll listen to what He speaks to me.
Some things I have to take by faith.
Also, the prayer and fellowship with my fellow students has been invaluable.

Dream: Nail in my head

2008-10-11T12:04:00.000-07:00

I had a dream last night that I had a nail stuck in my head.
I used a slide-hammer to pull it out.
It was scary, I didn't want to hurt my brain.
I carefully held the slide hammer, and gently tapped to get it loose, then I pulled and gently twisted on the nail to remove it from my skull.
when it was out, I could see what it looked like.
it didn't look like a normal nail.

Maybe I'll draw the nail and put it on this post.

When I removed it, I could feel a pressure change inside my head.
I then searched for a bandage to cover the hole, so nothing bad would enter my brain.
I put my finger over it as I walked, searching for a small band-aid.
I woke up, felt my head in the spot the nail was in.. no hole... just a dream.

Striving

2008-10-11T11:56:00.000-07:00

So. Lately I've been working through stuff.
Comparing myself to others.
Striving.

Two days ago at school they talked about competition/comparing.
Yesterday they talked about rest.

I've been feeling like God's been telling me to 'Abide'.
Which brings up quotes from The Big Lebowski.

It seems so hard to do. To relax??!?
Will God's hand still be over me? Even if I'm not always looking to make sure I'm directly underneath it?

Will He really direct me and guide me even if I'm not making serious effort on my own?

Is he really the author and finisher of my faith?
Will he really keep me?

I want more of God, doesn't that mean I need to stare at His hand constantly?

Ugh. I can't keep striving, it's wearing me out.

I guess I'll collapse now. Think God will catch me?

How does God introduce me?

2008-10-07T19:18:00.000-07:00

I've not been OK the last few days.
I know that I really don't know who I am.
I wonder, how does God introduce me?
Does He say to me, "Christopher, my little ______"
What goes in that blank?
Some dads call their son what they want them to become. "My little quarterback," they might say.
I asked God. He hasn't told me.

Bill Johnson said that "sometimes God doesn't let us know what we carry, we might focus on who we are, and not who He is."
I don't think that's my answer, but it helps.

Pastor Joe told me a wise thing once, about how some people's problems are easily seen, some people's aren't.
That's true, and I think also true of talents or gifts.

Sometimes I think my talents aren't easily seen. I sometimes get jealous of people with musical ability, etc.

Comparing myself to others never gets me to a good destination.

I find that I've lost focus yet again. Looking to people and not to God.
Bah! How and when did this happen?

God's will

2008-10-03T20:04:00.000-07:00

Perhaps the place to look for His will is not in rules or guidelines, but to seek intimacy with Him first and foremost.

Another dream

2008-09-23T20:07:00.001-07:00

This dream may be influenced by the fact that I watched The Neverending Story right before bed.
I was in the woods. It was dark, lots of tree roots in the ground, dead leaves, it was dark out, like at dusk. I don't remember it being wet, but it looked wet. Like after a rain, when all the bark on the trees is dark. The earth was dark. In the woods, amidst trees, there was a single hill. The trees were rather evenly spaced, but not exactly. Their limbs were above human height. You could see rows of trunks. The trees probably darkened the sky a little, but it was dark out anyway. There were deer around, including a huge buck. My camera didn't capture him because it was so dark, but he was huge, with lots of points on his antlers! There were also wolves, but they didnt' attack. I was with another person, maybe 2 others, they were familiar to me, probably friends, but their identity wasn't important. We scrambled up the hill. Scrambled isn't the perfect word, because we didn't climb it quickly, and it wasn't a big hill, it was just covered in sparse grass, mud, slippery tree roots. We also didn't climb it with great desperation.

From the top of the hill, I could see that all around on the trees were yellow square signs. But rotated 45 deg. to look like a diamond. On these signs were yellow/orange/amber reflectors. They were on all of the trees surrounding the hill, but only on the trees nearest the hill, only 1 row deep. I believe there were 3 reflectors on each reflective sign, loosely in triangles, definitely not attached in rows.

I woke up.

A key to anointing

2008-09-23T19:43:00.000-07:00

Bill taught in class today;
Apparently, the secret place is where battles are won.
And anointing comes from the secret place.
And the fields are ready for harvest. Everyone is ready for harvest.
There are some situations that require a high anointing. If you don't have high anointing, this is not to shame you.. But what an incentive to press in!

So, I look back upon my past, to a time when I saw the most spiritual growth that I can remember.
I was spending a lot of time with God, reading The Bible, praying, etc.
I haven't been doing that. Then I'm frustrated that I'm not hungry enough to want to.
Not that I couldn't discipline myself to do it. Discipline can play a part...

But then, you know what makes you hungry for The Kingdom? Eating.
And I've been eating more. Which is part of why I'm hungrier, and doing better.

lata....

Also, I give thanks for Firefox's built in spell-check.

Something I think is really cool

2008-09-22T20:17:00.000-07:00

From memory; That story about John Wimber being at the airport and a woman sitting closer and closer to him. And John then tells her that what she's feeling is the presence of the Holy Spirit.
That is so cool. I want to bring that presence with me everywhere.

Prayer at the supermarket

2008-09-20T23:14:00.001-07:00

So, I go shopping at Winco foods in Redding.. it's 10pm and there's 3 guys praying for a lady with a hurt arm in the first aisle.
LOL... Right on!

Dream

2008-09-20T15:27:00.000-07:00

I had 2 dreams last night, the first one was more interesting, but I forgot it.
The 2nd one, I was at Wal-Mart and bought $120 (might have been $127) worth of trivial things. Among my purchases was a hair dryer.
I do not have need of, nor desire to own one.
I woke up feeling bad about spending unwisely, and wanting to take back the merchandise.
I reminded myself it was only a dream.

1st week done

2008-09-20T14:07:00.000-07:00

Day 4 is complete, and the first week of school has passed.
Most of it consisted of worship time, Bill Johnson, Kris Vallotton, and reading the student handbook.
Every day I learn something more, and think about myself a little more. On the first day I felt as if I was in the bottom 10% of on-fire people.
Probably not true. However, I have noticed that my heart has been hardened for about the past 2 years. I'm making progress, and regaining lost ground in the heart area. I will surpass my previous milestones.

Met some really cool people so far. There's ~30 Norwegians, ~30 Kiwis, and people from all over the rest of the world.
Last I heard, there were about 760 1st yr students.
One student is only 15! -- though he turns 16 in 2 days.

I've also heard some great testimonies of 1st year students. Met one guy who hasn't been following Jesus for even a year yet. Was partying, drinking, prayed to God for some good Christian friends, and 1 week later, a bar ministry team from Bethel walks in, talks to him, and he has a Kingdom encounter. He's totally feeling conviction, and comes to be saved. 1 year ago, you'd find him in a bar, he laughs about the idea of attending a ministry school 1 year later!

I also met a guy from Canada who was previously addicted to drugs. He's still struggling with desires for stuff. Please pray for him, and I also humbly request you pray for me, that I'll be able to lead an example for him, and be able to encourage him. Everyone is a work in progress, and some of us have issues that are more visible than others. I found that some students do still have some problems, and need breakthrough. I do also.

Yesterday was my first opportunity to uphold a level of character that I've only recently chose to adopt. I decided to not drink any alcohol while I'm at school. I also quit smoking tobacco, and am going to abstain from that also.

Drinking alcohol in moderation is not banned by the school, but is discouraged.

Whatever, no big deal.. ;)

This is really the first blog of substance since I started school.
I know it's not been as personal as my blogs have been in the past, and I'm looking to further develop my style, cadence, and a develop a protocol/convention/format that suits my purpose and personality -- for this blog.

Please email with any insights about blogging!

Moving forward to claim the victory we've already won,
-Chris

blogged from: YAKS koffee (which just happens to be right next door to: Vineyard City Church)

Back!

2008-09-12T14:42:00.000-07:00

The blog is back in action

After many months of inactivity, blogging shall commence!

Update: I applied and was accepted to the Bethel school of Supernatural Ministry [link].
I'll be learning and stretched and changed forever.

I made the drive to Redding, CA in 5 days. Everything is ok, the little diesel that could held out, even when being forced up mountain at full throttle with the AC on!

I've posted a few snapshots of my trip here: Trip Photo Album with google's picasa.

Will write more later!

Thank you to all my friends, family, and Vineyard family who gave me a great send-off!

-Chris

Pepsi Revived!

2008-01-09T22:59:00.000-08:00

Got my new coin receiver today, and
the Pepsi machine lives!

Unconditional Love

2007-08-26T01:21:00.000-07:00

If all love was unconditional, how would we pick favorites?

I came to a thought.

2007-08-22T17:34:00.001-07:00

You can't be overzealous unless you're wrong.

Strange demonic forces at work?

2007-04-27T23:27:00.000-07:00

This last Thursday I was at work, only Sergio and I were working in the shop that day.
I was taking dies out of a machine, sergio was filling out paperwork.
We were about 2 ft from each other. We heard a clash of something solid hitting the hollow metal material payoff stand. then we saw a 3/8" hex wrench sliding across the floor 30 or so feet away, hitting a coil of wire and coming to a stop.
The wrench was previously on the payoff stand.
The wrench could not have fallen off and bounced that far.. not nearly that far.
it could not have been thrown in a straight shot, hitting the payoff and glancing off and following straight to the coil of wire. The fork truck was in the way.
I'm not saying it couldn't have been thrown, hit the payoff, and bounced off the wall, it could..
but the trajectory of the wrench was straight, it didn't slide to the coil of wire at an angle.

It would take a great deal of imagination to figure out how the wrench arrived to it's resting place, even if it had been thrown by someone.

not impossible, but FAR beyond reasonable explanation.

Besides that. Nobody was in the shop, we looked around, and then walked through the shop looking for someone, nobody was there.

The only person who could have done it was Nick, but this stunt would be totally out of character for him, and I'm pretty sure he wasn't there yet. He arrived shortly after the incident.

so... weird eh?

not making it up.. no bullshit.

I've not seen anything like this happen before.
It really freaked out Sergio.

I wasn't scared, just really surprised...

slot machine dream

2007-04-27T23:23:00.000-07:00

I was in a run-down casino.
flourescent lights, simulated wood grain.
I was playing nickle slots.
I won, a bunch of coins came out.
Then some bills came out.
I noticed some bills got clogged in the payout chute.
I pulled them out.
I won lots of money.

I went around to other machines and searched the chutes and found some other money that people didn't realize got caught up there.

It wasn't technically mine, but I was taking it anyway, and looking around to see if the security guards wouldn't be pleased.
nobody said anything.
I woke up before I left the casino with my loot.

tornado dream

2007-04-27T23:19:00.000-07:00

I was driving in a car down a highway.
I could see other people driving in cars too.
I could see them sitting in their cars.

The weather got nasty.
The wind got fierce. the road was wet.
People were blowing across, and off the road in their cars.
I was ok.
I wondered why the storm was so bad. I looked to the left, and a little behind me.
And I saw the tornado.. I had already passed it.
the end.

Curry: 3am Today

2007-01-30T02:00:00.000-08:00

So, I woke up from sleeping all day. I had the flu or something.
At 3 am I sauteed some tofu, of which some burned to the bottom of the saucepan.
I added some anaheim peppers and then smothered it all in curry sauce from Patak's.
I finished that off by throwing some pre-cooked chicken breast slices in there.
I served it over rice.

Apparently the smell was so bad, my mother awoke from a dream because of it.
I've never seen her react so strongly to any smell before.
She kept walking around the house talking about how awful it smelled.
Right before retiring to her room, she fumigated the entire house with air freshener.

All the while, I'm laughing hysterically.

...I'm still giggling...

Oh, and the curry was good.

A blog from the Borders restroom

2007-01-14T17:17:00.000-08:00

Following is a log of text messages sent earlier today.
There were two anonymous text receipients/responders to my text messages.
Their responses have been color coded.
Three cellular networks were traversed. Timecodes were slightly out of sync.
Messages were posted in actual chronological order.

Jan 14, 3:39 pm > Is it wrong to poop in the handicap stall like it's wrong to park in a handicap spot?
Jan 14, 3:43 pm < WTF?
Jan 14, 3:43 pm < Ur f'ed up!
Jan 14, 3:44 pm > I feel like a king on his throne in here.  the extra space is like my court.  jesters could entertain me here. women courtsey, men bow before me here. . .
Jan 14, 3:46 pm < You are so silly!
Jan 14, 3:47 pm > Oh, sh*t... there's no toilet paper in my court!
Jan 14, 3:46 pm < No way
Jan 14, 3:54 pm > I had to use ass Gaskets.  it took like  Four.  i sense my own people are plotting against me.  could be a coup.

Recent Music

2006-12-23T01:36:00.000-08:00

A recent list of music that I'm looking into. -- Stuff that catches my ear.

Music Spreadsheet

Britney Spears dream

2006-11-09T10:20:00.000-08:00

Last night Britney Spears and her husband were in my dream.
I saw them at Wal-Mart.
To hide, she doesn't wear makeup in public. However, people still notice her. But they're not fans, they're friends. They all hug when they meet.
Her mom lives near here.
She apparently knows a lot of regulars from The Annex, hey, she knew "Danimal".
Her husband doesn't talk much.
She knows my good friend Kelly, I guess they grew up together or something.
We all went out to eat together. And guess what... I'm a better tipper.

I told my good friend Stacey all of this. She asked if I'd been smoking crack.

Show & Tell

2006-10-24T09:10:00.000-07:00

Look what I have!
El Nacho Libre - Special Edition WITH MASK!

Redesign company website

2006-10-23T10:00:00.000-07:00

::complaining::

So I'm in the office at work now.. which is better than the factory floor.

But, they've given me the task of redesigning the company website.
After 1 week of working on the overall look, and not having any pages up, they got impatient.. I'm now told to just put the new banner/menu over the old content.

The old website was done in MS Frontpage, it's about 90%-95% microsoft bloat.
Full of XML and other MS generated crap to control formatting.. needless to say, it only views correctly in IE.

My boss created it in frontpage, and used absolute positioning on EVERYTHING, so things are lined up in relation to the browser window.

So, when you put the content into the new template, it's completely screwy, on any browser.

This old website is worse than complete crap, it's a nightmare. Yet I'm expected to rework this crap in a short time.

Someone said there's fast, cheap, and good.. you can have two of the three..
so true.. if you had all three, that'd be revolutionary.

'Good' just flew out the window.

Here's a screenshot to give you a feel of what I'm supposed to edit.

it might as well have been laid out in a publishing program and saved as a pdf

Sept 13, 2006

2006-09-14T00:48:00.000-07:00

~~Wake up and smell the roses.~~
Wake up and smell The God.

I declare this over the family of my good friend.
No more deception. No more ignoring the facts.
It's time to wake up. It's time to acknowledge.

NOW is the time for great faith.

NOTHING is more important.

In accordance with the will of The Father.
May it be so.

ATL

2006-08-09T00:00:00.000-07:00

Yeah, loved it.
Worth seeing.

website

New word

2006-08-01T20:57:00.000-07:00

Please do not ever chortle at me.

What kind of American English do you speak?

2006-07-25T18:17:00.000-07:00

I don't usualy post things like this, but linguistics is something that I love.
When I meet someone from a different area, I usually ask them what words they use.
This is a cool hobby. ≠ lame

Your Linguistic Profile:

65% General American English

15% Yankee

10% Upper Midwestern

5% Midwestern

0% Dixie

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

What about...?

2006-07-25T02:40:00.000-07:00

quote
"...and sadly, in our churches today,
Emotion has been confused with unction,
Ability to communicate has been confused with Revelation,
And man's projects have taken the place of God-given vision. ..."

Original article here

Identity, purpose, it's not in man's opinion

2006-07-16T01:49:00.000-07:00

The lyrics of this song keep coming to mind over the past several days.
I felt the need to hear it.

Nichole Norderman - Legacy - Woven & Spun album

Nichole Nordeman - Legacy wma stream, hope it works, untested.

Lyrics: here

Really, read the lyrics, they're the whole point of this post.

Story Time

2006-07-10T23:34:00.000-07:00

I don't want to blog about anything current, so I'll dig up something from my Journal:
-unedited-
6/26/06

Maybe self denial for the sake of itself isn't right/best/good, but maybe it's somethign that when done for kingdom's sake, can position us for greater things/service. Maybe pain, persecution, aren't what to strive for, but they do make fertile soil for faith/spiritual growth/-unintelligible script-
On one hand they go with the territory. But they also are signs of it?
They're definitely not the focus. We do recognize them, but not focus or strive on them or we miss the point. Loving people, Loving God. We're not sadists.

Suffering for Christ is a privelige, but not the prize. And with more love for Him, there's less fear of or maybe less priority given to escaping pain.
- Rework this sentence.

Care

2006-07-10T23:31:00.000-07:00

Some things I care about.
Some things I thought I cared about, I don't really care about.
Some things I thougth defined me, I don't care about, and they don't definte me either.
And that's cool.
I also care about new things.

Fear of Girls

2006-07-10T23:27:00.000-07:00

I'm getting over it. I'm leaps and bounds ahead of where I was only a few weeks ago.
I'd almost say I'm over it already, but I'm sure there's a few wrinkles to iron out.

Deception

2006-06-01T22:51:00.000-07:00

I challenge you to find sin without deception.

Freedom

2006-05-08T22:41:00.000-07:00

God always gives you more then enough rope to hang yourself with.

But He doesn't tempt you to hang yourself.

He believes in you before you "deserve" it.

Intel Macs

2006-04-24T17:02:00.000-07:00

Intel mac? I'll be buying one.

It's 2 months after installing Windows XP over Windows 2000
Already the desktop (explorer) is crashing daily.
I expect it's a registry problem.
I refuse to buy 3rd party software to fix an operating system that should just work.

I'm actually holding off on buying CD/DVD burning software because I'll just buy a mac version later.

And now that the intel macs will install windows, I'll buy one of those.
Hopefully I'll never need to install windows.
Just insurance.
Good riddance to Microsoft.
They disgust me.

Lack of Comments

2006-04-23T22:07:00.000-07:00

A handful of people from my community (church) are bloggers. Oftentimes, they have wonderful posts that I would expect to spark a great conversation.
In person, I am sure conversation would ensue.

But on the blogs, comments are sparse.

I wouldn't see this as a problem if I thought that only 2 or 3 people were reading the blogs. But I know there are more.

So, what are the reasons that more people don't comment more often?
Would having a community (church) blog help?

I'd like to have an international community/audience on our blogs. But I'd rather keep a local focus.

Maybe having a common blog would make posting comments more comfortable?

If people disagree with a post of mine, I'd rather they comment and we discuss, than they hold back.
It's just not fun to post something you consider is deep or meaningful, and nobody comments.

Maybe more people would do this on a community blog.

Maybe a blog that was a combination of Blog, IRC, and Instant Messaging:

The post/comment format of a blog.
The community prescence of IRC, but not the short message entry length, or disorganization of cross talk.
The quick response of IM notification when there is a new post.

Something that encourages deliberate, organized, low-latency conversation, with a communal feel that immerses you in conversation.

About me.

2006-04-11T00:58:00.000-07:00

I am SO messed up.
Ugh!
And it just makes me love God more.

Can you hear me now?

2006-03-28T18:50:00.000-08:00

Verizon dude comes to DeKalb, IL

What's The Deal?

2006-03-20T09:44:00.000-08:00

I've been pensive lately.
I haven't slept well in over a week.
I feel physically rested enough, but not mentally.
My nights are full of dreams.. too much thinking during sleep..
What gives?
I've had a lot on my mind lately, but that's nothing new.

Scanner Photography

2006-03-18T00:37:00.000-08:00

So a guy converted old box cameras to work with a modified flatbed scanner.
It takes pictures... www.scannerphotography.com
All of his pictures are greyscale, and not very refined.
but can a scanner take a really nice looking picture?
I might try. I have an old and probably already broken scsi flatbed scanner sitting here. a cheap usb one would be nice too.

music video idea

2006-03-18T00:33:00.000-08:00

Free idea, comment if you want, steal it if you want.

Music videos. Since I have nothing better to make videos of, I could take a cool song from iTunes, take my camera, go around and shoot a video for it.

Right now I'm thinking maybe a Portishead tune, maybe at night, maybe near the student center.

Oh, and the music track will be on main speakers, ambient sounds will be on the surround channel.. just as soon as I build a surround encoder board, or find software to do it.

a nice, portable, mp3/wav recorder that has xlr inputs and solid state recording (maybe SD cards?) would be great for this. and for films in general.

a wide angle lens, and waterproof camera housing would be good too.

≠

2006-03-14T00:10:00.000-08:00

Comfort:
≠ safety
≠ happiness

I hope someday to more fully understand their relationship to each other.

Riddle

2006-03-11T13:25:00.000-08:00

In the Three Stooges short Some More Of Samoa, there is a line where Curly says: "Beat me, Daddy, down to the floor."

Word.

Something I didn't blog about.

2006-03-08T22:45:00.000-08:00

A few months ago the IRC channel I would frequent broke up.
With tempers and egos flaring, it all changed forever. All due to a prank/attack on a channel operator's website.
I took this as my cue to leave. I figured I would never go back.
I haven't.

Now this may sound like nothing special, but these are people I have been talking to, usually on a daily basis; on and off for the last 6 years or so.

It was a very hard thing to leave. But I have. And I haven't gone back.
And I'm still decided that I won't.
I never posted a blog about it. I only did now because I was reminded about how bored I am when I'm up, and online, and there's nobody to talk to.

Dog

2006-03-08T22:42:00.000-08:00

It's been rainy for two days, and Ralph has been wet and smelly.
I refused to let him in my bedroom to sleep last night. Same thing tonight.
I feel bad for him, but he's way too smelly to handle.
This has got to be a record. Poor dog probably thinks he's not loved anymore.
OH WELL!

Posture Update

2006-03-08T21:51:00.000-08:00

I'm still correcting my posture.

Minor event

2006-03-08T21:48:00.000-08:00

I met with some friends of mine at the bar and one of them starts having a burning sensation in her throat during a dart game. She's sitting down drinking water, I come over to ask her what's wrong. I offer to pray and she says, "Yeah, that'll help."
Can't say I blame her. I said something like, "yeah, well, you never know."
I'd really like if God would answer my prayers for healing with an immediate "Yes" more.
I should probably read another Bill Johnson book.

Nothing important

2006-03-02T02:29:00.000-08:00

I'm making a conscious effort to correct my posture.

Og Mandino

2006-03-02T02:04:00.000-08:00

I just read The Greatest Salesman In The World.
I watched a Matthew McConaughey interview by Barbara Walters tonight and he said that book changed his life. They even held up a copy on camera.
And more importantly, Greg, a previous pastor of mine mailed me a half dozen books by Og Mandino, and recommended that I read them.

I started on one, but never finished..
But this was the celebrity endorsement that tipped the scales.
I went to the bookstore at 10:30pm and read this book in one sitting.
It's good stuff. I'll be reading it over the next few months so I can remember it.

Perhaps this will help me to break out of my pattern of.... underachievment and defeat

Cars

2006-02-24T04:31:00.000-08:00

I really love cars. Every once in a while I'll be driving, and see a rare sportscar, and I'll be reminded that I love cars.

I especially like cars that weren't officially imported into the US.

So... If I get a great high-paying job.. and if I think it's ok to spend money on such a thing.... I would really like to buy a Pontiac Solstice GXP in 2007.

Good Question

2006-02-19T00:57:00.000-08:00

"...has any society, in the history of the world ever managed to legislate itself out of a moral decay?..."

This is a great, concise question.
I found it on another blog, the commenter was talking about Dr. Dobson.

Valentine

2006-02-16T01:24:00.000-08:00

"Hilarical!...",
says Kelly V. of the Preparatory Post
"I think this one tops 'em all!..."
--Cindy of the Vineyard Vibe
"3 Stars!",
Proclaims Chris, Editor of Fictional Publication!

I received a heart-shaped potato for Valentine's day.
Here's the story.

Windows Media Format 6.75 MB

Yes, I realize it's large.. But it's worth it.
Download it anyway.

Dilemma

2006-02-07T20:33:00.000-08:00

After watching Frontline: Sex Slaves I'm left wondering what I should do.

Violence against slave traders? Probably not. I don't have authority, and that's not Christian.
Go to the victims of this, or the people of the soviet bloc, preaching God, the truth, hope?.... Whatever I can do to make opportunities for people to know Him and have their lives changed?
I can't guarantee anything, I can't conjure up God on demand. I can talk about him, I can pray that He'll make himself known to these people.

Somewhere in the film or on the website I heard that the people in Moldova are so poor, 80% are below the poverty line, living on $30-$40 a week.
And that their own view of human life is so little that they would sell themselves into prostitution for money, or to send money to their families.

That's not to belittle their poverty or desparation, but that was basically a quote.

I'm not saying God will pay their bills, but there has to be another way.

I don't even know where to go with this.

How can my life make a difference? Why am I here in America, with wealth and opportunity? If I can't save the world by force, can I help Jesus save it with peace?

New Word

2006-02-06T23:01:00.000-08:00

Kelly, who filmed "Mall Trip" with me taught me a new word today.
Hilarical; she called me it.

Sour Milk

2006-02-06T17:35:00.000-08:00

Ryan just couldn't resist!
3.2 MB Windows Media Format
Unedited version available here (2.7 MB Windows Media Format) which you may like more.

What Time Is It?

2006-02-02T00:21:00.000-08:00

Thanks to Ryan for the catch-phrase

Ralph Opens doors

2006-02-01T16:46:00.000-08:00

This could be good or bad.
I taught Ralphie to open doors

Windows Media Format .5 MB

Comfort

2006-02-01T16:34:00.000-08:00

The main reason I hold back, and why I think most people hold back from doing what is best is comfort.
Especially in this country. People don't expect pain or discomfort, they fear it, they avoid it.
Some people expect it.
God never said we wouldn't have pain or trouble if we came to Him. He did say He would be with us through it.
Fear, fear of discomfort is not an excuse.
And comfort is a cheap trade for God's plan.

If Money Was No Object

2006-02-01T16:28:00.000-08:00

So, Mindy, a new girl at church asked me a question when we went out to lunch 2 weeks ago.
Something like "If you could do anything you wanted to today, and money was no object, what would you do?"
After a minute I gave my reply. "If money was no object, assuming I could have this same deal any day from now on, I would go on a missions trip."

If money was no object, money wouldn't even matter. And you could go surfing in Hawaii, or go to the moon, fly a fighter jet, anything.

Money would lose all value. You can do whatever you want. You might not want to do what you thought you would. Why go to the moon today when you could do that tomorrow or next week. Or you could do everything you could think of for a year straight.
Eventually only intangible things would have real value.
And of those, the only intangible things that would have real value are eternal things.
God things.

So what would I want to do if money was no object? A missions trip sounds nice.
Showing people God's love sounds good.

What would you do?

God's plan for all of us.

2006-02-01T16:27:00.000-08:00

Maybe His plan for all of us is clearly and simply laid out in the Bible.
Maybe we are to sell our stuff and give to people as they have need, love people, go out and spread the Gospel. And probably other stuff I've forgotten to include.

What matters?

2006-02-01T16:18:00.000-08:00

So, I was talking with Jonathan on the phone today for an hour.
Jonathan wants to live with other Christians and sell everything he owns, and give to everyone as they have need. He also wants to go out and love people as Jesus did.
Now, I dont speak for him, but that's what I think he's into.

Jonathan knows Andrew.

Jonathan wants to go sell everything he owns, and wants other people to do the same.
He wants to do it in anticipation of giving to others and living a true Christan life.
Some people (myself included at times) want to wait to hear EXACTLY what God says for me to do at any given moment.
But maybe he already said what to do in his word (the Bible).
Jonathan wants to do everything to get ready, leaving the last step up to God.
I don't think he's necessarily wrong, maybe he's right.. maybe he just wants to pursue God.
Maybe doing what you know to do in anticipation of His plan IS pursuing God.
More on what God's plan for all of us may be in my next post.

Andrew - Compartmentalizing Faith

2006-02-01T00:47:00.000-08:00

Andrew - Compartmentalizing Faith

Windows Media Format 2.28 MB

Watch it, it speaks for itself.

God Pizza Distribution

2006-01-28T03:16:00.000-08:00

This time we took Ryan with us to give out free pizza to the bar patrons outside Otto's.

Next time we'll tell him to keep his big mouth shut!

(just kidding, it's a joke picture, he's not been arrested)

Oh, Happy Day!

2006-01-28T03:05:00.000-08:00

I have a new chance of life.
God is good.

New Insult

2006-01-25T20:12:00.000-08:00

I call people a 'Garden Weasel'
It's great, it's like a weasel, or a garden variety of weasel or an inept gardening tool.
Either way it's a put-down, and it's funny.

If you don't think so, you are a garden weasel.

Snowmobile

2006-01-21T10:31:00.000-08:00

The sled rides again!
and only needed $5 in parts!

WOOHOO!!

Elevator pic

2006-01-14T22:47:00.000-08:00

Click to see the big picture. Elevators with chrome ceilings are cool!

Had a dream last night

2006-01-13T19:42:00.000-08:00

It was so detailed, it could have been a movie.

I wish I had it all on videotape.

It centered around a house, there were bad people coming from the woods and cornfields, and dark lawns surrounding. They wanted to kill us, us being me and a family, I remember one of the kids looked like Dewey from Malcolm in the middle.

In the end, the cops finally showed up, but they weren't very effective. They drew their weapons, but I had to tell them, as I had told others, that you needed to think like the people attacking.. They were hunting, so you had to hunt them.
The usual defensive action wasn't working.

Strange and very cool thing was that during the dream a person went missing, and at the end of the dream, there is a 2nd scene where you get to see where they were, and what their story was. They were actually in the house, with another sub-storyline.
What was so cool about the dream was that the characters that were gone for different parts of the main dream were shown later, and their part of the story was revealed.

What made all of that stand out was that it was a non-linear dream.
and the weaving of the storylines was perfect. That's why it was screenplay-worthy.
It was really a mastery of writing if it were written in a book.

At the very beginning of the dream I actually looked back from the story and I and another person were actually reading pages from a book, we were commenting on the author, and how expertly it was written.

At the end of the dream, the house itself blows up, one of the enemy was in the house and made a suicide explosion. I think Dewey was in the house too.

I was a character in the dream, but I didn't make any actions that really changed the outcome. I was being hunted, I was part of the family, but I wasn't scared, I just felt duty.

I hope it recurs, I'd love to make a screenplay out of it.

Corrections

2006-01-12T10:10:00.000-08:00

Oh, look below, I corrected the errors in my previous posts about 3D movies

Newest 3D movie

2006-01-12T10:02:00.000-08:00

I adjusted the parallax (where the two cameras converge)
The first video I made had infinite parallax, the cameras never crossed.
On this latest one I made them cross at about 3ft.
Go Here
and click on cross_crop.mp4
Video 2.45mb Mpeg4

Fun at the mall

2006-01-12T09:20:00.000-08:00

Went to the mall with my friend Kelly from Carbondale.
This was fun!
Video 3.15mb Windows Media Format

3D Movie

2006-01-07T01:46:00.000-08:00

I've made two 3D videos. I haven't had enough time to perfect it, but it works.
To view the video you must cross your eyes until the two images become one.
Well, one in the middle, and two ghost images on the sides.

Try it out on this image.

The movie is a 9MB Mpeg4 movie. Available Here
Quicktime 7 will view it.
I suggest downloading it to disk, give it a shift-click and it should download.
cool, eh?

3D update

2006-01-06T02:25:00.000-08:00

I was able to get closer to completion of the basic deisgn.
The rig is still not built, and will probably only be good for outdoor shots when it is completed.
The angles are just too extreme, and the rig will likely be a box the size of an window air conditioner.

SUCK!

so I guess I'll have to reverse engineer a pair of USB logitech quickcams

=\

Fun with Forks

2006-01-05T02:51:00.000-08:00

MPEG-4 movie ~800k
On second thought, let's not talk at The Junction, it's a silly place.

5 a.m.

2006-01-04T03:19:00.000-08:00

So I slept about 2 1/2 hrs. I woke up at 5 am.
It sucks to be awake at 5 am.

When I was a kid, about 11 yrs old, a girl from my church was killed while on a field trip at O'Hare airport.

She was younger than me, I forget exactly how old she was, I think about 8.

She was a friend-- really the younger sister of a friend of mine.

I remember thinking to myself, before the accident, before she died, that I could never picture her growing up, growing old, or ever getting married.

I don't think I thought that same thing about anyone else I knew then, and haven't thought it about anyone to this day.

Sometimes I've wondered if I'd die young. Not like tomorrow, but say before I hit 40.

I don't know.
I suppose it doesn't matter.

Her name was Rebecca... Becky.
Out of all the kids at my church then, heck, even the adults, she stood out to me as the most godly, the most like Jesus.

There was this *good* inside of her, it was strange and well, good.
After she was gone there was something that makes it harder and at the same time easier to rationalize. It sounds cliché, but she was too good for this world. Her oddness (said with love) was to me some kind of indication or explanation for why God called her up.
That *oddness* is an indecipherable clue. I can't use it to make a case of why she should or shouldn't have been taken away, but you sense there is a significance to it.

I wonder why she was sent here, sent to live just a few years, bringing joy while she was here, and pain when she left. Who was she sent to affect?

When I think of myself dieing young. It's not because I think I'm the same caliber of Christian. I believe she was a truer reflection of Christ than me, mostly.
But then, I don't think I'll die tomorrow. ;)
And who's to say I'm a lesser Christian? I can't judge that.

Under The Overpass

2006-01-02T03:23:00.000-08:00

Just read this book, it has been inspiring. I love it, it reminds me that things like this can and should be done.
Under The Overpass
It's about two guys who spent 5 months on the streets living with, and being themselves -- homeless

Christmas Eve Service

2005-12-24T19:03:00.000-08:00

It was cool, liturgical. Nice to have a formal way of remembering what Christmas is all about.

3D camera rig

2005-12-23T17:15:00.000-08:00

I was up till 5 am working on the new 3D camera rig.
It will probably made of aluminum (the frame so far is)

Pending experimentation, I think it'll work out REALLY COOL!

You see; there were 2 phases, first was a proof of concept that was pretty simple in construction, but probably wouldn't work well due to problems with image perspective.
I think phase one would have too much of a trapezoidal effect, which would have to be corrected digitally to make still pictures, and I lack the video editing software to accurately correct video.

Phase 2 is a much more complex design. It'll take longer to build, but, if my initial calculations (more like imaginations) are correct, it won't have the perspective problems!

Next project

2005-12-22T00:53:00.000-08:00

I've already done 3D (stereographic) still pictures

Next experiments are:

3D QTVR Panoramas: I think this is possible, though the 3D effect might not be that impressive in the wide-angle format

3D movies: Eventually leading to short films? I have yet to create the 3D rig to attach to my camera, which would also make 3D stills easier to make. BUT! when this is done, it will be so cool you will all pee your pants

Winter is mating season?

2005-12-17T06:48:00.000-08:00

Notice they're never just a pair anymore.. tsk tsk, nature has gone awry.

Found these at Wal*Mart
Found these in a front yard while driving around last night

Pizza give-away

2005-12-17T06:08:00.000-08:00

Going into the bars is far more interesting and impactful than just giving away pizza outside the bars.

We met so many cool people. And, having just spent a lot of time in one of these bars over the last month or two.... I met more people tonight giving away pizza than I did playing darts and hanging out there...

Looks like a stock photo, eh?
I can't help but giggle
Mmmm, pizza
Nick and I see eye to eye
Ever had a coffee bath?

Joke on Joe

2005-12-16T08:56:00.000-08:00

Last Sunday we had too much time on our hands....
So we played a joke on our pastor Joe!

Joke 1 video 3 mb
Joke 2 video 3 mb
Joke 3 video 5 mb
Joke 4 video 3 mb

If you don't get the music, it's from a funny flash animation about Kenya

Mentos & Diet Coke

2005-12-16T01:34:00.000-08:00

Backyard Diet Coke & Mentos experiment.
Filmed with my new digital camera.

experiment 1 - Caffeine Free Diet Coke video 4 mb
experiment 2 - Vanilla Diet Coke - Mentos in my mouth video 14 mb
experiment 3 - same as above, but in bottle video 4 mb

So cool!

2005-11-29T15:38:00.000-08:00

Pandora.com

Mr. Soapbox

2005-11-05T23:22:00.000-08:00

Evangelicals in a Secular Society Ted Haggard says Galatians bars us from using the law to create a Christian nation.

have not read this. and I shouldn't link what i havent' read. however.. possibly this guy shares my hunch that creating christian law isn't the right approach.

i consider myself fundamentalist.. but i bet a lot of fundamentalists would like to beat me for that. hah. I'll read it later.

Home of the Future

2005-11-02T02:48:00.000-08:00

I shall begin work on a Home of the FUTURE.

Nothing THAT interesting

2005-10-29T15:16:00.000-07:00

I was walking with Ralphie through town.
I saw 2 people sitting smoking cigarettes in an alley, next to a VW bus
I had my camera. but 200 speed film!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

woulda been great if i had 800 speed.. and their permisson to photograph of course.
the girl had a shaved head and the guy had a mohawk.

and the colors of the alley were nice.. it was a nice alley, with benches and grass and brick buildings... oh well

My age

2005-10-28T18:18:00.000-07:00

***You Are 22 Years Old***
20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

What Age Do You Act?
http://www.blogthings.com/whatagequiz/

Strange things happen at McDonald's

2005-10-20T00:01:00.000-07:00

Strange things happen at McD's.
I met 3 girls in a broken down car, which they pushed into the parking lot from somewhere down the street.
I asked if they needed help, they talked more about how I asked to help, than they did in responding to my question.

This trailing off from the main issue was probably due to the alcohol they had been, and were currently drinking. As I pull up, the driver is drinking a 40 of MGD, and there's a bottle of Crown Royale laying in the passenger's seat.

That was interesting... they were really touched that I offered help, though I didn't give any real help. Their car wouldn't start, but I was sure it would after sitting a short time - the driver said this happens with this car.

They commented on my shoes... I was wearing my Lugz.
It almost made me laugh that they commented on them. They were like.. THOSE ARE SO COOL.

One girl was black, the other two acted like they were. lol.
The funny thing is.. Ya know how gay guys can act more feminine than the most prissy girl? It's like these white girls can act more "black" than the most "black" black person.

Offering help made an impact.

Then, inside the restaurant, this guy walks up to me, and starts talking to me.. as if he knows me.. telling me about this show on pbs he saw about Einstein, and Einstein's girlfriend, and relativity, and bombs.

I don't really know where he was going with it, but he picked me to walk up to and talk to about it. It was a little awkward

Strange.

In hindsight, I wonder if God was up to a few things there at McDonald's.

or maybe there was just weird stuff going on.
I didn't hear him speaking to me about anything in particular at McD's that day.
Oh well, I'll keep my eyes open for next time.

People I meet

2005-10-17T21:12:00.000-07:00

I think a lot of people really aren't convinced by any of the usual arguments/evidence that American Christians give about God.

Really, what makes Him real? How can they know?
The truth of The Bible and the love of His people are great--But I think that God moving in POWER is what would really get their attention.

If God is real, then He does everything He says He does in The Bible.
But we don't see that here. No wonder people don't believe.

Christianity looks really unbalanced here in America.

I told a co-worker today about what's happening in Mozambique, Africa.
I told him about some of the miracles.
He said to me, "I'm surprised, I didn't think you'd believe in that stuff."
    "Why?," I asked.
"Because you're so logical."
    "But how could I not believe in the whole thing (Christianity)?!"

So he gave me the argument that he could trip on LSD and say he sees god, etc. And how could I tell him he was wrong?

So then I told him that I could judge it against The Bible, though he doesn't hold that as a standard.

    So I ultimately said, "Well, I could ask to see your god do something, and then we could see my God do something, and we'll see who's real, and who's greater."
    "As soon as I see your god start doing miracles or signs, then I'll consider it."
"I guess if yours did, then I would too!," he said.
    "Touche."

Isn't that the real question?
How can I know your God is real?
How can I know your God is the one true God?

And to me, that is my current #1 reason to "press in" and spend time with God.
I want to see more of his works in my life, and more of his signs all around.
So they would know, and so those who know would know Him more.

What is there to do?

2005-10-17T21:10:00.000-07:00

I think there's nothing better to do than to spend time seeking God.
To spend time in his presence is probably the #1 thing to do if you want him to move more powerfully in your life.

So now I need to do this.

Politics.

2005-09-22T22:16:00.000-07:00

So, after a political discussion on IRC with some rather unrespectful A holes...

Today I think I'll ditch the two-party system.
The whole system is pretty jacked.. how can anyone expect real change to come from/through it?

people complain about political parties, but to what end? Neither of the two are the right way.

What is the 'right way'?
It's God's way! The Bible is full of those wonderful things called moral absolutes!
and, if you think it's all just religion and rules, wrong! it's spirit too. And not just any spirit. God is the supreme authority in all things. He's it, and you can know him, talk to him, etc.
And if you don't believe in the spiritual, well, I hope something unexplainably spiritual comes your way.

And if you think I'm crazy for believing that stuff, well.... lock me up and throw away the key. -- if you've been given that authority.

And who gives that authority? God! ahahhaa God is in charge, God is in charge.
WHOOT!

And....

I'm giving up on 'covering my ass' in debates. I can be wrong. I'll do what I know is right, and if I learn I was wrong, I'll make another change.

I'll not try to make myself look smart, or demand respect. I may not have respect ever. Or it may be when I am very old. But I cannot grow at the pace others would set for me. If they give non-constructive criticism, they're judging me. Screw that. I'll take advice, but not the judgments of man.

Whatever.