I'm not ok with being ordinary.
It's a recurring fear to think that I might not have some area of genius.
I think it's one of my worst fears. To live my entire life, not being world-class in any one category.
I know I should be OK with just being God's kid. Perhaps a lot of this fear is due to a performance-based mindset.
Ordinary life sounds boring. Maybe I could grow to love it, but I'm scared when I think of being trapped in an ordinary life...
What's my problem?
Vision?
Inspiration?
Recognition?
Motivation?
Follow-through?
I want to break through and accomplish something.
This is an unfinished thought, maybe I'll add more later.
I'm posting it now because I'm not sure if I'll ever get back to it.
01 July 2009
27 June 2009
Isa 54:7
Yesterday while I was at home doing the dishes, God spoke to me.
“Read The Bible today, I’ve got something in there for you.”
I put it off, went outside and picked a few quarts of cherries from the tree in the back yard. Looked around online. Made some lunch.
Later I took a shower after being outside. While I’m stepping out, I hear “Isaiah 54:7”
I was a bit joyful and said “Thanks, God!”
So I looked it up right away in my NIV Study Bible and it says:
“For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with deep compassion I will bring you back.”
It’s been a bit of a rough week at times. And this one line really hit me.
Wow.. I can remember no history of the whole hearing a verse from God thing.
“Read The Bible today, I’ve got something in there for you.”
I put it off, went outside and picked a few quarts of cherries from the tree in the back yard. Looked around online. Made some lunch.
Later I took a shower after being outside. While I’m stepping out, I hear “Isaiah 54:7”
I was a bit joyful and said “Thanks, God!”
So I looked it up right away in my NIV Study Bible and it says:
“For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with deep compassion I will bring you back.”
It’s been a bit of a rough week at times. And this one line really hit me.
Wow.. I can remember no history of the whole hearing a verse from God thing.
10 December 2008
What's my job?
Work in progress, so here's what I'm thinking...
To present in concept God's reality.
- To demonstrate in action this same reality.
- To continually repent -- that is to change my point of view to match God's revealed reality and will.
To seek His will, His Wisdom, His kingdom -- His reality. e.g. read the Bible, pray, listen.
I think the word repentance is not limited to the cessation or renouncing of, or righteous action in place of an already known sin.
It may be the immediate acceptance of a newly presented revelation. Does it matter?
And faith is the exercising of man's God-given free will to come into alignment in belief and action with God's reality.
Faith is a choice. Any may exercise faith. Not all, will choose to.
God empowers you to make the choice. You have free will. God can take action to bring that choice to you. The choice is up to man.
I think a quality presentation of God's kingdom will make it easier for people to choose to believe, to have faith.
I also think that once a person has accepted Jesus, and receives the Holy Spirit, God's indwelling presence, that He will speak to them, making clear the truth, and greatly aiding faith.
comments?
Hmm.. This does mean I need to study Rom 12:3 - what's he mean God assigned measure of faith?
To present in concept God's reality.
- To demonstrate in action this same reality.
- To continually repent -- that is to change my point of view to match God's revealed reality and will.
To seek His will, His Wisdom, His kingdom -- His reality. e.g. read the Bible, pray, listen.
I think the word repentance is not limited to the cessation or renouncing of, or righteous action in place of an already known sin.
It may be the immediate acceptance of a newly presented revelation. Does it matter?
And faith is the exercising of man's God-given free will to come into alignment in belief and action with God's reality.
Faith is a choice. Any may exercise faith. Not all, will choose to.
God empowers you to make the choice. You have free will. God can take action to bring that choice to you. The choice is up to man.
I think a quality presentation of God's kingdom will make it easier for people to choose to believe, to have faith.
I also think that once a person has accepted Jesus, and receives the Holy Spirit, God's indwelling presence, that He will speak to them, making clear the truth, and greatly aiding faith.
comments?
Hmm.. This does mean I need to study Rom 12:3 - what's he mean God assigned measure of faith?
23 November 2008
Bad Dream
Had a bad dream last night.
Was going to fly to Puerto Rico with my mother.
She was ahead of me.
Somewhere between the terminal and gate, this guy asks me for my ticket, which was not in my hand. The ticket was in my inside jacket pocket, so I started looking for it.
He was older, with gray/white hair and he was taller than me. He got angry and told me to find my G**-D*** ticket. I got mad and slapped him.
He pulled me aside and radioed to other people. He looked at my passport and looked at a certain number on it - 35 - and made a comment that I'm lucky it wasn't 50.
Apparently 35 wasn't a great number either, and possibly referred to my likelihood of being suspect.
I think the range of numbers for that field is 0-50
I looked on my passport and saw the number 35, there was no label next to it.
Someone else came over to us and they both told me I'd have to go back through security and start over again.
They didn't explain well where I needed to go to start over, nor did they point to where to go.
I wandered back through the airport to find the end of the line.
My mom had already boarded the plane. I wasn't sure if I'd miss my flight. We were already short on time when we arrived at the airport.
I think by the end of the dream, I'd been allowed past the ticket-man, but by this time, I was waking up.
Was going to fly to Puerto Rico with my mother.
She was ahead of me.
Somewhere between the terminal and gate, this guy asks me for my ticket, which was not in my hand. The ticket was in my inside jacket pocket, so I started looking for it.
He was older, with gray/white hair and he was taller than me. He got angry and told me to find my G**-D*** ticket. I got mad and slapped him.
He pulled me aside and radioed to other people. He looked at my passport and looked at a certain number on it - 35 - and made a comment that I'm lucky it wasn't 50.
Apparently 35 wasn't a great number either, and possibly referred to my likelihood of being suspect.
I think the range of numbers for that field is 0-50
I looked on my passport and saw the number 35, there was no label next to it.
Someone else came over to us and they both told me I'd have to go back through security and start over again.
They didn't explain well where I needed to go to start over, nor did they point to where to go.
I wandered back through the airport to find the end of the line.
My mom had already boarded the plane. I wasn't sure if I'd miss my flight. We were already short on time when we arrived at the airport.
I think by the end of the dream, I'd been allowed past the ticket-man, but by this time, I was waking up.
14 October 2008
Compliments
Work in progress. some of this may be a STRETCH
What is the role of a compliment?
What is a compliment
A compliment is affirmation, a confirmation, it testifies to truth.
- A compliment is the witness to truth
Because a compliment is affirmation, and is based on truth;
- A compliment is given in/with the character of the giver.
- The giver's character/actions should be congruent with this truth.
A compliment should be given freely.
Flattery is a comment made with the goal of getting something out of it.
Flattery is manipulation.
Compliments should not be given in response to manipulation.
- Instead, the root of the problem should be spoken to.
For ultimate effect, compliments should be Spirit-led
Can a compliment be pro-active?
- Would it then be prophecy? or best-restated?
When a compliment is given without expectation or manipulation.
It is freely given, it's easier for someone to give.
Reasons why it's hard to give a compliment
- Fear of man - If you were free of fear of man, their reaction won't disrupt you.
- Your false perception of their reaction won't even exist.
- Your true negative perception will not de-motivate you, the compliment is for them.
- You don't believe the truth about them
- You probably don't believe the truth about you.
What is the role of a compliment?
What is a compliment
A compliment is affirmation, a confirmation, it testifies to truth.
- A compliment is the witness to truth
Because a compliment is affirmation, and is based on truth;
- A compliment is given in/with the character of the giver.
- The giver's character/actions should be congruent with this truth.
A compliment should be given freely.
Flattery is a comment made with the goal of getting something out of it.
Flattery is manipulation.
Compliments should not be given in response to manipulation.
- Instead, the root of the problem should be spoken to.
For ultimate effect, compliments should be Spirit-led
Can a compliment be pro-active?
- Would it then be prophecy? or best-restated?
When a compliment is given without expectation or manipulation.
It is freely given, it's easier for someone to give.
Reasons why it's hard to give a compliment
- Fear of man - If you were free of fear of man, their reaction won't disrupt you.
- Your false perception of their reaction won't even exist.
- Your true negative perception will not de-motivate you, the compliment is for them.
- You don't believe the truth about them
- You probably don't believe the truth about you.
13 October 2008
hah!
I had a thought. I wouldn't call it a vision.
Someone yelling in my face, "DON'T YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE?"
How can I answer that?
YES!--NO!
(imagine that was said aloud, and the NO was a two-stutter delay behind YES, but in your mind no almost overlapped the yes.)
Really, maybe it was a vision. But I'm not too worried about answering that. It doesn't need to be. It's being worked out...
I might yell that in someone's face some day... whoa.. harsh..
Someone yelling in my face, "DON'T YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE?"
How can I answer that?
YES!--NO!
(imagine that was said aloud, and the NO was a two-stutter delay behind YES, but in your mind no almost overlapped the yes.)
Really, maybe it was a vision. But I'm not too worried about answering that. It doesn't need to be. It's being worked out...
I might yell that in someone's face some day... whoa.. harsh..
Train dream
Don't remember all of the details.
Was at a museum maybe?
There were train tracks.
There was a steam locomotive.
I was with someone there, saw them there.
I was familiar with them, but did not really know them personally.
There was another person.
I was in the train while it was stopped, looking at it... museum style..
The familiar man was looking at it too, in the train.
The other man killed familiar man.
He was wounded.. fatally it seems.
He was hit around the midsection.
He staggered a step or two next to the tracks and fell.
His head and body on opposite sides of one rail.
The other man seemed to control the steam locomotive with a lever on the platform.
He started to move the train forward to decapitate familiar man.
I woke up, I do not recall if the train rolled over familiar man.
Neither man stood out as the "good guy"
The train was made in Germany.
I felt it was wrong to kill the first man. But not illegal.
I was not familiar with the other man.
I did not really grieve familiar man's death.
I woke up slightly distressed.
Was at a museum maybe?
There were train tracks.
There was a steam locomotive.
I was with someone there, saw them there.
I was familiar with them, but did not really know them personally.
There was another person.
I was in the train while it was stopped, looking at it... museum style..
The familiar man was looking at it too, in the train.
The other man killed familiar man.
He was wounded.. fatally it seems.
He was hit around the midsection.
He staggered a step or two next to the tracks and fell.
His head and body on opposite sides of one rail.
The other man seemed to control the steam locomotive with a lever on the platform.
He started to move the train forward to decapitate familiar man.
I woke up, I do not recall if the train rolled over familiar man.
Neither man stood out as the "good guy"
The train was made in Germany.
I felt it was wrong to kill the first man. But not illegal.
I was not familiar with the other man.
I did not really grieve familiar man's death.
I woke up slightly distressed.
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