5 a.m.

So I slept about 2 1/2 hrs. I woke up at 5 am.
It sucks to be awake at 5 am.

When I was a kid, about 11 yrs old, a girl from my church was killed while on a field trip at O'Hare airport.

She was younger than me, I forget exactly how old she was, I think about 8.

She was a friend-- really the younger sister of a friend of mine.

I remember thinking to myself, before the accident, before she died, that I could never picture her growing up, growing old, or ever getting married.

I don't think I thought that same thing about anyone else I knew then, and haven't thought it about anyone to this day.

Sometimes I've wondered if I'd die young. Not like tomorrow, but say before I hit 40.

I don't know.
I suppose it doesn't matter.

Her name was Rebecca... Becky.
Out of all the kids at my church then, heck, even the adults, she stood out to me as the most godly, the most like Jesus.

There was this *good* inside of her, it was strange and well, good.
After she was gone there was something that makes it harder and at the same time easier to rationalize. It sounds cliché, but she was too good for this world. Her oddness (said with love) was to me some kind of indication or explanation for why God called her up.
That *oddness* is an indecipherable clue. I can't use it to make a case of why she should or shouldn't have been taken away, but you sense there is a significance to it.

I wonder why she was sent here, sent to live just a few years, bringing joy while she was here, and pain when she left. Who was she sent to affect?

When I think of myself dieing young. It's not because I think I'm the same caliber of Christian. I believe she was a truer reflection of Christ than me, mostly.
But then, I don't think I'll die tomorrow. ;)
And who's to say I'm a lesser Christian? I can't judge that.